I am Groot Cancer

The biopsy site has been itching horribly, but it's finally hit the 5 day mark, so I can take it off. I can't unsee Groot in this.

It looks like I may have a sensitivity to the adhesive they used.  Joy!

The Call

In the middle of my team meeting at work today the phone rang.  I almost let it go to voicemail before mentally kicking myself in the head.

It was Kaiser.

I also saw a the pop-up on my computer indicating there was a new email from Kaiser.

The doctor did say he'd call one way or the other as soon as the results were in.

All of this went through my head as I'm watching the phone ring. Yes, I know, watching?  Ringing is listening, not watching. Maybe I should more properly say I was watching the screen as the phone rang.

I dropped the meeting and picked up.

Cancer.

Panic attack.

The urge to hide in the back of my closet was strong.

Cancer.

For his part, he tried to be reassuring. He told me I'll get a phone call in the next day or two scheduling an appointment with a surgeon. I may or may not need chemo.

I posted my PSA in our women's ERG at work. The outpouring of support was, in, a word, overwhelming. Women with family who have had breast cancer. Women who have had breast cancer. Several reached out to me to talk to me about their journeys.

So. Many. Tears.

It feels very surreal. I'm not sick. Except I'm very sick. This is what having cancer feels like?

Here's hoping it's a very quick surgery and I don't need chemo. With one of the lumps impacting a lymph node, and knowing that lymph nodes can carry cancer to other parts of my body, I have a sneaking suspicion there's chemo in my future.

I have an appointment with my GP on Thursday. Instead of talking about weight loss, we'll be talking about cancer.

I'm scared.

Birard Code WHAT?

Kaiser finally released the results from the mammogram + sonogram that I had Wednesday. I understood most of it, but had to learn something new.

For those of you who may have seen this term on your reports, and not understood what it meant, the BIRAD code is the 'diagnosis' result on your mammogram. I'll provide the scale here:

Category	Definition
0 - Incomplete	Additional imaging evaluation and/or comparison to prior mammograms (or other imaging tests) is needed.
1 - Negative	This is a normal test result.
2 - Benign (non-cancerous) finding	This is also a negative test result (there’s no sign of cancer), but the radiologist chooses to describe a finding that is not cancer, such as benign calcifications, masses, or lymph nodes in the breast. This can also be used to describe changes from a prior procedure (such as a biopsy) in the breast.
3 - Probably benign finding	A finding in this category has a very low (no more than 2%) chance of being cancer, but hasn't been proven benign.
4 - Suspicious abnormality	These findings do not definitely look like cancer but could be cancer. The radiologist is concerned enough to recommend a biopsy. The findings in this category can have a wide range of suspicion levels. For this reason, this category is often divided further: 4A: Finding with a low likelihood of being cancer (more than 2% but no more than 10%) 4B: Finding with a moderate likelihood of being cancer (more than 10% but no more than 50%) 4C: Finding with a high likelihood of being cancer (more than 50% but less than 95%), but not as high as Category 5
5 - Highly suggestive of malignancy	The findings look like cancer and have a high chance (at least 95%) of being cancer. Biopsy is very strongly recommended.
6 - Known biopsy-proven malignancy	This category is only used for findings on a mammogram (or ultrasound or MRI) that have already been shown to be cancer by a previous biopsy. Imaging may be used in this way to see how well the cancer is responding to treatment.

I've paraphrased or reduced length on a lot of this. You can find the original source for the above table on the American Cancer Society's website here.

The TLDR of everything is they rated the masses in my right breast as a BIRARD Code 5. That means there's a 95% chance it's malignant.

Now I understand why they were aggressive about getting the biopsy sooner rather than later. 

Trying not to have a meltdown. Maybe they're wrong. Maybe I'm in the 5%.

Unlikely.

I'm not freaking out. If I say it enough, I might not freak out.

I may have cancer.

Making Lemonade?

I made the decision today that when I have the results, one way or the other, I'll be putting a PSA into our Women's ERG at work. I worry it'll bite me in the ass at some point later in life, but I'm not at all worried about losing my job over this. I know people will be supportive at work, it's just the type of culture we have.

I have it all written out, sitting in notepad. I'm hoping this is just a really bad scare.

Punched In The Booby

I had the biopsy this morning. Found out there's not one mass, but two masses. One in my breast, and the other in one of my lymph nodes.

When the Doctor came in, he discussed the procedure with me. It didn't help much with the fear, I wasn't worried about the procedure itself, I'm terrified-bordering-on-panic about the results.

He numbed up my right boob really good, all I felt was tugging. That needle was HUGE. It reminded me of the IV needle they used when I had my hyperparathyroidectomy. He took 7 core samples total. After that, he put little metal 'clips' in my boob which are supposed to mark both lumps, so that in the future, anyone doing a mammogram will know that those two lumps were already biopsied.

The Doctor was very clear that he would call me as soon as the results were in, one way or another, but it might take up to 5 days.

I am thankful for several things during this procedure:

• The nurse who held my hand (I'm sorry if I bruised it!)
• The nurse who held a fan in front of my face (That was brilliant!)
• The doctor who give me the time I needed to push past the panic attacks that kept threatening to break fee

There's a 3x4 bandage with steristrips covering the biopsy site, which seems a bit extreme for needle sticks (granted, those needles were BIG).  I feel like I've been punched in the side-boob. I really should have taken some one with me on this one.